


The Epic Tales of Captain Usopp: The Prince in Danger! Captain Usopp to the Rescue!

by three_days_late



Series: Febuwhump 2021 [7]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Fairy Tale Elements, FebuWhump2021, M/M, POV First Person, Poisoning, Storytelling, Whump, interrupting sanji, interrupting sanji wh-, knock knock who's there, sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29265639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/three_days_late/pseuds/three_days_late
Summary: Once upon a time there was a prince who became a pirate.Oh, I’m sorry, are you telling this story? No, you’re not. I am.When the Pirate Prince runs afoul of a group of notorious bounty hunters, it's up to Captain Usopp, the heroic adventurer known and feared the world over, to save his beloved.Or, Usopp tells Sanji a story.
Relationships: Usopp/Vinsmoke Sanji
Series: Febuwhump 2021 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2139261
Comments: 11
Kudos: 80
Collections: febuwhump 2021





	The Epic Tales of Captain Usopp: The Prince in Danger! Captain Usopp to the Rescue!

**Author's Note:**

> A commenter on ff.net pointed out that I posted yesterday's story with Robin yesterday on Robin's birthday. This was clearly intentional on my part, because I am a genius and good at planning and am aware of what day it is.
> 
> So, since today is National Fettucine Alfredo Day, today's fic is SanUso. Obviously.
> 
> Anyway, here's [Febuwhump](https://febuwhump.tumblr.com/) day 7: Poisoning.

Once upon a time there was a prince who became a pirate. He was the cook on his pirate ship, the greatest sea chef the world over, and he made delicious meals that his crew loved. He was strong too, a top tier fighter who could kick holes in steel and crush skulls under his feet. And he was kind, the kindest soul to ever sail the seas, although he pretended not to be, and beautiful, although he tried his best to hide it, and his face always turned an interesting shade red whenever you brought it up.

Oh, I’m sorry, are you telling this story? No, you’re not. You’re bedridden. I’m telling the story, so I’ll describe you however I want.

The prince was also an idiot who got himself poisoned because he’s stupid, and that’s what this story is about. An idiot Pirate Prince who’s stuck in the infirmary for a week and refuses to stay in bed and recover, so now someone has to tell him a story about his idiocy so he stops moving around and spreading the poison quicker and speeding himself into an early and agonizing grave.

Anyway. Where was I?

The powers that be were jealous of the pirate prince’s strength and kindness and beauty. They thought to themselves, who does he think he is, running around being so exceptional? How dare he be so extraordinary! If they couldn’t have someone so great for themselves, then they’d destroy him, and so they put a steep price on his head.

Or maybe the bounty was for the numerous crimes he committed. He was a pirate after all.

World spread quickly throughout the seas, until it reached the ears of a nefarious gang of bounty hunters called the Crystal Razors, known throughout the region for taking down only the highest and most dangerous of bounties. They were feared by the locals for their violent methods that sometimes brought on civilian casualties. They’d heard the prince and his crew were coming soon, and, enticed by his ridiculously high bounty, decided to capture him.

Did the prince hesitate even for a second when he heard notorious bounty hunters known for bringing in their bounties dead were after his head? Did he deviate even for a moment from his usual routine? Of course not.

“Some shitty bounty hunters won’t get the best of me,” he was heard saying when he disembarked.

That is exactly what you said. I have perfect memory, so I know.

...I do like eating, but that’s not the point here.

Anyway.

While the prince was shopping for supplies, he heard a distant cry for help from a young maiden. She was being attacked in the woods nearby by a gang of ruffians, and the prince could not let that stand. He rushed over to her and quickly dispatched the thugs with his own unique and fiery justice.

The young maiden was grateful for the help, but had no reward to give him, save for an apple from the basket she’d been carrying when she was attacked. Never one to refuse a gift from a maiden, the prince accepted, gratefully taking a bite from it right there and then.

This proved to be the prince’s downfall.

For the maiden was no maiden. Or well, she was a maiden, I guess, but she was also one of the bounty hunters, and the whole thing had been a ruse to prey on the prince’s kindness and lure him into their trap.

And the apple was no mere apple, but one laced with a devious poison that quickly spread through his body and slowly started shutting it down, bit by bit, until he could no longer breathe.

Well, that’s what Chopper said was happening.

The prince quickly succumbed to the apple’s spell, collapsing right there and then in a near comatose state, conscious but unable to move as his body slowly failed him, a state that he would only be awoken from by true love’s kiss.

Luckily for the prince, his true love was already on the island.

The heroic Captain Usopp, the bravest warrior the sea has ever known, had landed on the island with his eight thousand loyal men at his side, intending to reunite with his love after months of harrowing adventures at sea.

Well, yes, his love was the seafaring Pirate Prince, obviously. They do travel together, of course, usually. But this time for reasons they didn’t, and they were to meet on the island.

_...Reasons._

Because it’s more dramatic this way. Would you let me tell the story?

Anyway.

Captain Usopp had heard about the Crystal Razors as well, and had taken reasonable precautions when arriving on the island. Precautions that anyone with a bounty over a hundred million should take when disembarking on a populated island, really. Just food for thought.

While cleverly in disguise and waiting for his prince to meet him at a predetermined spot for lunch, Captain Usopp overheard some of the patrons talking about how the Crystal Razors had captured a pirate whose description matched the prince’s to a t. They’d dragged him back to their lair, a dark and long abandoned Marine fortress on the edge of town.

“Poor sod,” the locals said, “He’ll be dead in an hour.”

Captain Usopp’s heart stopped in his chest after hearing the fate of his beloved prince. He subtly asked for more information about the bounty hunters, and after hearing about the poison and the prince’s inevitable fate, quickly raced off to save him.

If you didn’t need saving then I wouldn’t have to describe it like that.

Anyway.

Captain Usopp arrived at the lair of the Crystal Razors. He quickly and heroically took out the foolish bounty hunters who dared to challenge him and made his way to the top floor where the prince was being held hostage. There he was confronted by the Crystal Razor himself, a huge, terrifying demon of a man with five, no, ten swords made of pure crystal that he was able to control with him mind.

What? You can’t get bogged down by frivolous details like ‘There’s no such person as Crystal Razor’ and ‘Didn’t you just knock them all out with sleeping gas and sneak in?’ Don’t you know anything about a good story?

How can you even remember that, anyway? You were practically unconscious. Clearly your memory is one that’s wrong.

Anyway.

“I must applaud you for coming all this away, Captain Usopp,” Crystal Razor, who is a very real and very threatening person, said, “However, it is all for naught. The Prince’s life – and his bounty – are mine. But, as a show of mercy, I’ll reunite you two in the afterlife.”

“You can never have him,” Captain Usopp bravely shouted, “I won’t let you.”

“If you think you can save him,” he said, summoning all ten of his crystal swords and pointing them right at Captain Usopp, “Then I invite you to try.”

Crystal Razor fired the swords at the brave and noble Captain, but his quick reflexives and mastery of Observation Haki prevailed, allowing him to dodge all of them.

He fired back with his legendary pop greens, which confounded and restrained him, leaving the bounty hunter disarmed and at Captain Usopp’s mercy.

“Oh, brave and valiant Captain Usopp,” Crystal Razor said, trembling in fear and awe, “Please spare me. I had heard of your prowess and power, but was foolish to think I could overcome it.”

“I don’t care about that,” Captain Usopp snapped, “How to I save the prince?”

“You can’t,” Crystal Razor said, the fear growing in his eyes as rage grew in Captain Usopp’s own, “The poison has no known antidote. The petals of the efririn flower would have been able to halt the poison temporarily, but it’s been well over an hour. If he still lives, it would be a miracle.”

With a shout of rage and one might blow to the head, Captain Usopp knocked him out.

He approached the prince’s...

He...

...

He, approached the prince’s...body. It was cold, lifeless, and completely unresponsive when he held it close. He tried to find a pulse, but. Uh. There wasn’t one.

...

Captain Usopp has been scared many times in his life. He will, under certain circumstances, admit that he is scared most of the time. Fear is a constant companion for him, and he knows it well, embraces it at times, even.

But the fear that filled his chest when he held the prince’s body was like nothing he’d ever felt before. A cold, gnawing dread enveloped him, and all he could think about was that the prince was one of the most important people in his life and he couldn’t save him. He’d loved him more than anyone, and he’d let him die.

He held the prince’s body and whispered apologies into his ear. He hugged him close to feel his body against, feel the prince’s breath on his neck one last time.

And then he realized. He felt the prince’s breath.

He quickly lay the prince back down and held his fingers under his nose and yes, that was breath. The prince was still breathing. Unresponsive and like dead, but still breathing. Still alive.

Luckily, Captain Usopp was an amazing planner and a strategist, always thinking ahead for such instances, and had a few efririn flowers on hand. He quickly pulled off a petal, but ran into a new problem.

The locals had told Captain Usopp that the petal needed to be swallowed, but the poison had made the prince completely unresponsive. There was no way he could swallow the petal on his own.

Captain Usopp, who was as resourceful as he was brilliant, put the petal on his own tongue and kissed the prince hard on the mouth, sliding the petal into his mouth and down his throat.

Of course _that’s_ the part you remember. And it does to count as a true love’s kiss. It was a kiss between true loves that literally brought you back to life.

Anyway.

With the poison halted right in its deadly tracks, Captain Usopp heroically scooped up the prince and carried him back to the ship, where their amazing and talented doctor was able to come up with an antidote, thus saving the prince’s life.

Although, even though the antidote is flushing the poison out of the prince’s body, the amazing Doctor Chopperman has said that it’s not completely out yet, and the prince needs to stay in bed and rest while the antidote does its job. Because if he gets up and moves around even a little, his blood will start pumping faster and spread the poison again.

So, even though the great Captain Usopp and the rest of their friends really really miss the prince’s cooking, they are willing to eat everyone else’s subpar meal attempts for now. Because they know that, as long as the prince _stays in bed_ and does what the doctor tells him, they will eat his food again before they know it.

The moral of the story is, the prince needs to stay in bed or Captain Usopp will have no choice but to tie him to it.

...Oh my god, get your mind out of the gutter for like two seconds. You’re technically still dying.

No! Absolutely not! Did you miss the part where if your heart rate increases too much you will literally die? I already lost you once I don’t-

I mean.

Captain Usopp had thought he’d lost his prince. And it sucked, for him. And it was only by luck that he didn’t. And he really really doesn’t want to lose him for real.

...I know you are.

I love you too.


End file.
